My grief is palpable. And this week my grief travels with me more prominently visible than in most times when I’m crafty enough to put it aside and wear my fake smiley face because not only are the year-end holidays painfully laid in front of me but Mommy’s birthday is this Saturday after Thanksgiving – November 28th. So yea, Mr. Grief with his iron powered hands has seized my soul suffocating it with excruciating misery and gifted me with a rawness that’s enveloped every inch of my being making my every movement laborious and sad.
Mr. Grief is parasitic and our kinship has become such that often he’s able to mask himself as my friend. He’s the guest with no boundaries who monopolizes the conversation, rapes the refrigerator bare, and seeks no permission when he wants to come inside. Most days I watch him baffled rattling about as his existence, heavy, weighs my spirit so that my head to the pillow is all I can muster when I really just wanna get up. Times before we’d met in passing but never had we been so close; so close as we’ve become since Mommy died.
I hate Mr. Grief but I allow him my time because in him I will eventually find my healing and new joy. I’ll begin to embrace the strength God’s armored me with as without it Grief and I would not be able to cohabitate with me still living and breathing. Grief and I will run out our season then we’ll become estranged as time goes on. But until then we’ll pal about with not every day being as intense as today is and as November 28th obviously will be. I have my fake smiley face in pocket for the lighter days.
To grieve is human. To recognize it, succumb to it never duped into believing you will never be free of it, is one of the tutorials in the spiritual lesson plan of life. There is nothing wrong with this place where I stand. I’m aware that God manipulates the controls and by His grace and mercy again I will be flooded with peace and light with no grief on the side. I am thankful as everything is in divine order even this most unbearable space in time.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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I hate Mr. Grief but i love the way you're trying to deal with him since meeting him!:(
ReplyDeleteI promise you, he eases up but I just can't tell you when. Stay prayful and have faith. God bless u & Raimy and I hope you enjoy the day of your mom's birth. What a way to spend it, giving thanks n being with the woman who bore her! Enjoy Thanksgiving and your memories!